Have you ever been in a bad relationship? Are you in one now?

There is nothing worse than being in a bad relationship and there is nothing better than being in a great relationship. But what makes a good relationship from a bad one? There are a plethora of factors influencing how good or bad a relationship can be. Some might say that love is all you need.  In my experience, all couples that make things work share three common elements.

TRUST

I know it is a cliche, but without it the relationship will not work. Many people forget how vital this element is in any relationship. Trust is not only associated with loyalty or infidelity. It is all the meaning associated with the word: honesty, compliance, value. Trust is a vital survival skill. From an early age we learn the importance of trusting. We also learn the lessons when we erroneously put too much trust in someone. Trust with a loved one is a relationship of reliance. It’s a one-time agreement between you and your loved one. In good relationships, their trust is seen as full disclosure. There are no games or deceit. There is no conditional trust between them. It is there, it is tangible and in a good relationship, it is protected.

POWER

There are only two situations in our lives when we are willing to give up power. When we submit to a professional (e.g. Doctor or Pilot) and when we love someone. Power is the ability to maintain control of your self-interest at all times. It is being in charge of yourself, and seeking the most beneficial situation. Beware of not confusing it with selfishness. Power is about control, and selfishness is about disregarding others. Good relationships share power. In some instances, one partner is the lead and in other instances, the cheerleader. In good relationships, power is shifted and given between partners. It is not desired and it is not guarded. Giving power to your loved one is “trusting” them to seek your best interest as well.

COMPROMISE

Compromise is the settlement of differences. Many couples struggle with this element. We all are going to disagree with someone at some point or another. Disagreements with mothers, fathers, sons, friends and lovers are not uncommon. What is important is how we react and deal with disagreement. In good relationships, a disagreement is not a battle. They do not see arguments as “winning” and “losing”. In good relationships, compromise is a balance of tolerance and agreements. When people focus in winning an argument all the time, they tend to lose the relationship. Compromise is not about being a doormat. Compromise is about a mutual goal. It’s asking, “What is better for the relationship?”

Good relationships are hard work, but the payout is amazing! Being able to compromise, give power and trust someone is a tall order. That is exactly why it has to be mutually given. When the balance of these elements is not there, a bad relationship is on the way. (See our follow up article about bad relationships)

Now ask yourself… How good is my relationship?

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